Day by day

What Christmas means to me has changed quite a bit over these 30 years that I’ve been around. Back when I was a little kid I couldn’t wait for Christmas Day to arrive. I’d help set up the tree with the brightly colored balls, the star at the very tippy top of the tree, the flickering, dancing lights and stare at the calendar as time and the days just seemed to crawl by, and it seemed to me that Christmas would never arrive. On the night of Christmas Eve I’d be told to go to bed early, but I’d be far too excited so I’d do everything I could to drag my heels, which included making sure the plate of cookies and glass of milk for Santa was placed in just the right spot to make sure he’d see it and know I was thinking of him in hopes that he’d place under the tree the things that I really really wanted. Christmas Day I’d always wake up bright and early, bounce out of bed and rush out of my room and straight to the tree and my stockings to see just what was left for me. I couldn’t even wait until everyone else woke up on their own but had to burst into their room and force them awake in my excitement. Lucky for me no one seemed to mind.

Now I see the same thing happening with my daughter. I still think it’s sweet when she told me before Thanksgiving that she’d written a letter to Santa and couldn’t wait to take it to Macy’s to drop it off in the giant mailbox that they had especially for letters for Santa. She also added that yes she still believed in Santa and that she always would. Then last night she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I knew she wouldn’t really be happy with me unless I told her something, so as a long shot I told her a computer game that I’d been wanting for a while now. She even wrote it down so she wouldn’t forget when she was taken shopping again. She did say that she’d already gotten her Daddy (my partner) something so she was all excited about that.

In all honesty what I really want for Christmas is to spend time with my loved ones. I don’t really care about getting any gifts. All too often the gifts I’m given, especially from my side of the family, are the wrong size, an ugly color, just not me, and the list goes on. I end up having to spend more time standing in line of some store behind other people who are in horribly bad moods, getting a gift card and then having to wander around the store not knowing what to spend the gift card on because it’s not a store I would even shop in except for that, and it’s just one big headache. Spending time with my loved ones though would be so much better. There’s nothing I’d want to exchange, the hugs and cuddles are just the right size and what I’ve always wanted. This year is that is what I want for Christmas.

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